footnote in history

:today; 4 years, 1 month, and 18 days after the September 11th terrorist attack, our President, George Bush is visiting Norfolk to give a speech on terrorism.

mail of now...

or the provisional aspects of email. who saves all their emails? not i, you, him, or her? no. lost forever they are doomed to be; the generation of well documented communication through letters is over. the hand written letters of the past so laboriously constructed, and kept in boxes hidden in closets and under beds is gone. now we "delete our inboxes" forever emptying them into eternity, never to be read again; memories and ideas lost; friendships' depths forgotten. there are obvious benefits to such tasks of ease, but what are the inevitable drawbacks, on the history of our lives? when we look back for tangible memories?
sure, it makes sense to delete the time sensitive reminders and all the messages of insignificant content but what about all the meaningful correspondences destined to be forever lost due to a lack of use or purpose? and are these less and less occurring as well? in other words, has email cheapened communication overall? (as surely the cell phone has! but i wont get into that here.)
just some thoughts i have had recently regarding the deficiency of the new culture of emails and the transiency of thoughts and letters we produce every day, ever more (of which i am guilty of).
sadly, i guess we miss out on some things with the emergence of others.

an anniversary

in pictures

i know i don't need it.

but wanting something doesnt always have to qualify as a neccessity does it?

sealy posturepedic

at work today we went Bowling. i bowled a 117.
i did 3 good noseblunts skating yesterday, to prove to myself i had it down.
i had big plans for the weekend. the weekend is trying to ruin them though.
a one year celebration was in order but the sky says 'rain on you'.

maybe we'll head to D.C. maybe we'll just drive far away. i think a good time, regardless. i just need to get out of Norfolk. everybody just needs to get out of Norfolk sometimes. maybe like once a month at the very least. Norfolk can wear on anybody. maybe anywhere can wear on anybody. i thought about teh benefits of turning off my cell phone for the whole weekend, with an "out on a trip" message; get disconnected. i still might do that if we actually end up going camping...

the weekend

in
no

particular
order.

walls

this all feels a bit too self serving
tonight for me.
i think i will go to bed and try (really hard)
to dream.
my mind is terribly tired of being awake.
its been awhile. i've got these walls that
i need to break through, see through or eat through.
i used to be able to...

"rainrain goaway" no,,wait; stay

the rain won't stop. the trees have tops. the cars have lots.
flooded. wet. soaked. days.

i think its a good week for it i suppose (the rain); being that the wine fest is not until Saturday and the workweek is keeping me busy. the rain should clear by then, the windows see through again.
the wheels on wet streets hsssssing stops.
these nights are long, these days are full.
sleep is important (a clear mind is harder to find).
if i could i would take more naps but i cant seem to give up the time (there's always something to read).
in a brief cease of rain, we skated a bench today in tennis courts so long...

"entertaining isn't always entertaining"

what is it that people want?
today was overcast with little rain. i actually willfully passed up on a skate session. i got a new desk for home. last night i drank lots of scotch and then moved on to wine. trying hard "to have a good time" ending up with a short story and a few nice memories to last for a week or two(?) wake up in the morning with a headache in the morning and mounting tragedies in the news. the whole world seems to be having a bad year, with natural and manmade disasters continually dominating news headlines with depressing and seemless endless suffering. was life always this way? i can't ever remember it being this bad. i feel lucky.

room for prophets

sometimes i think if i get myself into a deep discussion on religion i am bound to offend someone. so, i mostly keep things to myself and speak in generalities and hedge direct questions, without trying to seem too noble, righteous, judging or stubborn in my own thoughts. i just can't take certain religious doctrine or dogma. it can even make me mad at times, but im working on that. i think religion is always going to be a daunting, mystifying, and questionable thing for me. as it should be.

"I'm putting on the brakes..."

on de lib era tion and pro crast ination.
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my fortune: lovely relationships bring out the best in you. i have decided to write more. i can't say yet what it is you will read though, for i continually move forward with no focus. i just imagine a blog to be updated more frequently as to render it meaningful at all (otherwise it's purpose being none other than, to invite frustration on both ends). some days may be daily life recounts, other days may just be pictures; rambles and shambles of a life lived. suffice to say, that, henceforth, you may not know what to expect but expect something resembling semi-regular updates...
i drank an Aventinus after work today (mmman is was good!) last night i saw the Werner Herzog film, Grizzly Man. interesting indeed. a stark account of the madness that solitude and asceticism can bring on, after 13 summers spent with grizzly bears. i recommend it. i must say that the reality of some of it at times is questionable, as it almost seems fake/unbelievable. and how, does one sustain battery life for so long in the barren wilderness all alone for months? details aside, i'm fairly surprised that something of this kind hasn't surfaced before now; but i guess the subject (Timothy Treadwell) ultimately getting eaten by the bears, that he so foolishly trusted, has something to do with an immediate interest in the film (his wacko demeanor notwithstanding).

meet the parents

today was long / i am tired. at the beach i saw a dolphin or two today, playing in waves. i saw my parents today (my parents met her parents today too.) gin and tonic. wine. light dinner (lobster bisque, caeser salad). . .end of the night (?)

i don't listen to The Doors enough anymore. sometimes i want to smoke pot. i get tired too easily with few alternatives; i turn in out of "no turns" outwards. does that make anysense? maybe i further enjoy the morning after. i like reading. i do more also. i am forgetful of people and places. i look inside. "what was that promise that you made?" i keep telling myself, "i'm gonna do this and i'm gonna do that." tomorrow is another day for me to try. i wonder what it will bring? i'll fall asleep tonight and dream (hopefully). it's almost time. . .

"words can be like x-rays, if you use them properly-they'll go through anything." you need only to find something worth writing about; focus. goodnight.

by: aldous huxley

i started to read brve nw wrld (i'm on chapter 3). i hope to get through it and through it well. i have intended to do so for quite some time. finally, i find myself passing the pages, with the days, accordingly. i have great ideas hidden in the winter coming. i am keeping to myself...

plans

Sometimes i wonder how people can do what they do for a living. then i wonder how i can do what i do for a living. its a machine i guess and a real crusher at that. i mean, you need money to live so you work for your money; some people work to live other people live to work. i guess what i am ruminating on is the people i know who work jobs that are not challenging to their intellect, but put there mind to work best outside of "work." that is, to say, they are creative individuals with imaginations and dreams. a famous philosopher was once explained to me to regard art as the highest of all human experience. i have never since doubted that interpretation of life and meaningful existence. i mean what else do we have really, to differentiate human nature from other beings? personally, i am most appreciative of the art of song and music, but any area is just as respectable to me. very simply, art as experience is the pinnacle of pleasure and purpose as a human being on earth, whether its true artistic appreciation, or the creative act itself.
ultimately, in the modern world i imagine the ideal is to find balance, as with anything in life. balance your work with your life. all too often i see work win over life; energy and spirit drained, you rest for another day. its a tough fight for some of us (if recognized as such at all). i admire the creators of life, i admire those who rise above the mechanics and drudgery of routine everyday life and come out on top in creation of artistic forms. i will also, always be evvious with those who have it all together, but perhaps this is an illusion that i have created, after all, no one has it all together and someone's always gonna have it a little more together than you or i...

man on a mountain

me

Voir Dire-

"to speak the truth." today i had jury duty. i had to show up at 9am. i got paid $30. i was able to call in to work and still get paid (i think). after showing up at 9am i sat in this big room with no less than 6 television sets (broadcasting Golden Girls re-runs and then Will & Grace.) people were laughing at this shit at 9am. i read my new TIME magazine (about the unfathomable costs of hurricane Katrina and an article about the war "Are we losing Iraq?") after some time we were all brought into the court room. it was a criminal case. three black males (no older than 20), accompanied with their respective lawyers were sitting in the room. they had been charged with "malicious shooting into an occupied dwelling." some intense questions were asked to the potential jurors, the process of preliminary examination of prospective jurors regarding their qualifications, known as "voir dire". i ended up not getting chosen. the judge asked all of the potential jurors what they did for a living. perhaps, me working in mental health, got me out of serving as a juror in this case. i don't know. they chose 13 jurors out of about 30 of us. after this it was about 1pm and we were all excused, some for lunch and some for the rest of the day. i went home adn enjoyed teh rest of my unexpected day off work, either way it was cool with me really, i think it would have been an interesting case to see. i can't continue to write such autobiographical stories. they're so boring to write. ive got to stop this/

Friday night

Being out in Norfolk last night and seeing all the things to do and see really made me kinda bummed. I mean, who cares!? Am I just getting to be an old man so soon? Can I just not have fun under these city circumstances anymore? I think I have been out on Granby St. once in the last six months, prior to last night, and i've missed nothing. I am always telling everyone, 'Norfolk is pretty cool, it's coming up as a city" etc. but the real question again is, "Do I even care?" bars bars bars, so what. I saw so many stupid looking people last night that are living like they are on the "Real World." it's ridiculous. bad scene, everyones fault. I think when i talk about the city i mention all the telltale signs of prosperity and growth, whether it's a good thing (to me) or not. ...so there are more bars opening up every six month, more places to go and get drunk. there are unaffordable homes, apartments and high rises under construction seemingly everywhere. the city is growing, prosperity is evident. and there are "scenes" in Norfolk too, just not mine. i can't explain any of this no more longer no. i am just tired. good bye.

i want

i want to sleep better at night. i want to spend more money. i want to drink less alochol. i want to get up at 6AM every day and go swimmming for 20 minutes. i want to stay up later on weeknights. i want to read more novels and less magazines. i want to brighten up your day. i want to drink more alcohol. i want to learn more about investing. i want to get up earlier on weekends. i want to ride my bike to work. i want to noseblunt things. i want to make more money and not realize it. i want to learn to relax better. i want to get back to living more creatively. i want to find something to blog about. i want to find something to blog about. i want to sketch in my moleskine more often. i want to use broaden my vocabulary to describe things. i want to learn to screenprint on clothes. i want to eat a balanced meal. i want to count. i want to learn. i want to find a nice pair of shoes. i want to live happily ever after. i want to own a home. i want to stop writing now.

no light on the beach at night

thats this picture; of wind blowing hard on straw-like tall grass; whipping. we drank a corona in the dark night on this North Carolina beach (that may not look the same in a few days) to good times. i think we're all just a little bit luckier every day with each new disaster that passes us by (those of us untouched). it really makes me wonder about the times. i mean, not to be trite, if not tediously repetitive, but with-- 9/11, an endless war, natural disasters like Katrina, the steadily rising upper class, (last year there was a 1.1 million increase in the number of Americans living below the poverty line, compared with 2003) a faltering education system, never ending relief $$ from somewhere (?) pouring into tragedy after tragedy, and a political disaster like Bush, put in charge of it all--how are we supposed to view our condition? remain optimistic in the face of overwhelming adversity, ad nauseum? i wonder sometimes how history will judge this time period. i have my worries. i mean, recently i havent even been able to think much about the future, i'm just grateful to have what i have right now- a decent job, health insurance, a place to call home- these things seem to be becoming less and less the norm and more like luxuries, even in the great and mighty America! then to top it all off, as i walk out to go to work this morning, after thinking all this, i see todays newspaper headline across the hall to brighten my day... serious.ly. no joke. this really happened.

days go by

A slow day at the office means a long day of mind wandering. I am stuck in this cell when the sunlight outside shines brightly on the pavement; illuminated. I slowly move about the building in hopes of looking busy, but dream of the cloudless skies outside. The best weather of the year in the Commonwealth state is the approaching autumnal breeze of tranquility. Enough is enough of this longing post to no one or nothing. Inspiration came early this morning in the form of a hidden blog of a good friend far away…Chango.