by: aldous huxley

i started to read brve nw wrld (i'm on chapter 3). i hope to get through it and through it well. i have intended to do so for quite some time. finally, i find myself passing the pages, with the days, accordingly. i have great ideas hidden in the winter coming. i am keeping to myself...

plans

Sometimes i wonder how people can do what they do for a living. then i wonder how i can do what i do for a living. its a machine i guess and a real crusher at that. i mean, you need money to live so you work for your money; some people work to live other people live to work. i guess what i am ruminating on is the people i know who work jobs that are not challenging to their intellect, but put there mind to work best outside of "work." that is, to say, they are creative individuals with imaginations and dreams. a famous philosopher was once explained to me to regard art as the highest of all human experience. i have never since doubted that interpretation of life and meaningful existence. i mean what else do we have really, to differentiate human nature from other beings? personally, i am most appreciative of the art of song and music, but any area is just as respectable to me. very simply, art as experience is the pinnacle of pleasure and purpose as a human being on earth, whether its true artistic appreciation, or the creative act itself.
ultimately, in the modern world i imagine the ideal is to find balance, as with anything in life. balance your work with your life. all too often i see work win over life; energy and spirit drained, you rest for another day. its a tough fight for some of us (if recognized as such at all). i admire the creators of life, i admire those who rise above the mechanics and drudgery of routine everyday life and come out on top in creation of artistic forms. i will also, always be evvious with those who have it all together, but perhaps this is an illusion that i have created, after all, no one has it all together and someone's always gonna have it a little more together than you or i...

man on a mountain

me

Voir Dire-

"to speak the truth." today i had jury duty. i had to show up at 9am. i got paid $30. i was able to call in to work and still get paid (i think). after showing up at 9am i sat in this big room with no less than 6 television sets (broadcasting Golden Girls re-runs and then Will & Grace.) people were laughing at this shit at 9am. i read my new TIME magazine (about the unfathomable costs of hurricane Katrina and an article about the war "Are we losing Iraq?") after some time we were all brought into the court room. it was a criminal case. three black males (no older than 20), accompanied with their respective lawyers were sitting in the room. they had been charged with "malicious shooting into an occupied dwelling." some intense questions were asked to the potential jurors, the process of preliminary examination of prospective jurors regarding their qualifications, known as "voir dire". i ended up not getting chosen. the judge asked all of the potential jurors what they did for a living. perhaps, me working in mental health, got me out of serving as a juror in this case. i don't know. they chose 13 jurors out of about 30 of us. after this it was about 1pm and we were all excused, some for lunch and some for the rest of the day. i went home adn enjoyed teh rest of my unexpected day off work, either way it was cool with me really, i think it would have been an interesting case to see. i can't continue to write such autobiographical stories. they're so boring to write. ive got to stop this/

Friday night

Being out in Norfolk last night and seeing all the things to do and see really made me kinda bummed. I mean, who cares!? Am I just getting to be an old man so soon? Can I just not have fun under these city circumstances anymore? I think I have been out on Granby St. once in the last six months, prior to last night, and i've missed nothing. I am always telling everyone, 'Norfolk is pretty cool, it's coming up as a city" etc. but the real question again is, "Do I even care?" bars bars bars, so what. I saw so many stupid looking people last night that are living like they are on the "Real World." it's ridiculous. bad scene, everyones fault. I think when i talk about the city i mention all the telltale signs of prosperity and growth, whether it's a good thing (to me) or not. ...so there are more bars opening up every six month, more places to go and get drunk. there are unaffordable homes, apartments and high rises under construction seemingly everywhere. the city is growing, prosperity is evident. and there are "scenes" in Norfolk too, just not mine. i can't explain any of this no more longer no. i am just tired. good bye.

i want

i want to sleep better at night. i want to spend more money. i want to drink less alochol. i want to get up at 6AM every day and go swimmming for 20 minutes. i want to stay up later on weeknights. i want to read more novels and less magazines. i want to brighten up your day. i want to drink more alcohol. i want to learn more about investing. i want to get up earlier on weekends. i want to ride my bike to work. i want to noseblunt things. i want to make more money and not realize it. i want to learn to relax better. i want to get back to living more creatively. i want to find something to blog about. i want to find something to blog about. i want to sketch in my moleskine more often. i want to use broaden my vocabulary to describe things. i want to learn to screenprint on clothes. i want to eat a balanced meal. i want to count. i want to learn. i want to find a nice pair of shoes. i want to live happily ever after. i want to own a home. i want to stop writing now.

no light on the beach at night

thats this picture; of wind blowing hard on straw-like tall grass; whipping. we drank a corona in the dark night on this North Carolina beach (that may not look the same in a few days) to good times. i think we're all just a little bit luckier every day with each new disaster that passes us by (those of us untouched). it really makes me wonder about the times. i mean, not to be trite, if not tediously repetitive, but with-- 9/11, an endless war, natural disasters like Katrina, the steadily rising upper class, (last year there was a 1.1 million increase in the number of Americans living below the poverty line, compared with 2003) a faltering education system, never ending relief $$ from somewhere (?) pouring into tragedy after tragedy, and a political disaster like Bush, put in charge of it all--how are we supposed to view our condition? remain optimistic in the face of overwhelming adversity, ad nauseum? i wonder sometimes how history will judge this time period. i have my worries. i mean, recently i havent even been able to think much about the future, i'm just grateful to have what i have right now- a decent job, health insurance, a place to call home- these things seem to be becoming less and less the norm and more like luxuries, even in the great and mighty America! then to top it all off, as i walk out to go to work this morning, after thinking all this, i see todays newspaper headline across the hall to brighten my day... serious.ly. no joke. this really happened.

days go by

A slow day at the office means a long day of mind wandering. I am stuck in this cell when the sunlight outside shines brightly on the pavement; illuminated. I slowly move about the building in hopes of looking busy, but dream of the cloudless skies outside. The best weather of the year in the Commonwealth state is the approaching autumnal breeze of tranquility. Enough is enough of this longing post to no one or nothing. Inspiration came early this morning in the form of a hidden blog of a good friend far away…Chango.

a lovely time

a house in the Outer Banks, NC.
a hot tub.